american idol

i believe i just heard the best song, ever, on american idol. when he first sang the song i was thinking hey i know this song ;)

bock i think ramiele should go home! :)

edit: okay i realised its a version by chris cornell. chey.

i am part 1 hear me roar

alright yes bock no more emo posts or else no one will want to talk to me ;)

i just read mr brown's blog and i came across this blog of this autistic lady. as some of you might know my cousin is autistic and therefore im always interested in reading stuff about autisitism and finding out more about it.
it amazes me at how this universe works- she is able to express herself perfectly well, it wouldnt be wrong for me to say that she might just express herself better and coherently than alot of young adults out there (me humbly included). the very first post talks about hatred and erasure- and she writes it with such wisdom its almost strange. yes she is autistic and she is unable to speak- she simply communicates in another manner which is not the norm.
i find my cousin highly artistic - he is extremely good with plasticine (i kid you not) the detailing of cartoon characters that he does leaves us in awe all the time. and i hear he's picked up piano and getting good at it.
im glad that they can do what they can do despite being labelled as autistic- strange as it sounds that one has to do so much just to prove a worth; i simply hope that this world has enough space (in their hearts) to accommodate their ways.

安宁

突然很想用华语表达自己,应该是因为很久没用母语交谈了,所以有点想念. 现在的心情比昨天的平静多了,思乡也较有次序;心,也几乎镇定多了. 原本已经定下的心又被起伏;瞬纳之间那些已被埋藏的情绪又回来了. 不想逃避的我,却发现地自己没有那种勇气. 但我想我已找到答案. ;)
就如我人生中其的故事, 这个也有个主题曲.

"我努力的想哭泣却哭不出泪滴
一次又一次的违心才发现早已麻痹
终于发现自己已经不在乎你
原来分手也能如此的安宁"

此时此刻,我想我是找到了安宁.以后的事,以后再说.

now i can vote (and watch RA movies)

officially 21 years 22 hours old.

not much reflection on life yet, just quiet, peaceful time to myself after everyone has gone back and all the party is over. france trip was fun and pretty, oh those roaring nights of german bridge until 2ams. yes we were a random group of friends, but it turned out great or so id like to think;) id always remember that pot of 114mussels and ian's 12 escargots as starters. and ian's horrible driving; me grabbing ENSHRINE; poor joanne being labelled throughout the trip (blame ian!) and florrine's cheese. and gangwei's random intellectual sprouts. ;)

came back midnight of my birthday- celebrated that, twice, on the plane. first time they woke me up at 12 midnight france time, to a cupcake with four stirrers stuck in the middle (as candles), then second time they woke me up again (london time) to pop champagne. quite funny cos i was obviously very groggy and sleepy :)
then i came back home to a room filled with streamers and balloons and lightsticks that spelt happy birthday. and roshni was already in my house which made it even more of a pleasant surprise.
i woke up that morning to a home cooked breakfast by roshni and mayling, but haha (oops) i went back straight to sleep cos hey, i slept at 4am! when i finally did wake up roshni couldnt stop giggling about what was going to happen that day ;)

then she revealed the treasure hunt around london ;)
we were off to a very slow start cos i brought them on the long way to get to soho. but we did get there, eventually, and first stop- haha. (sex shop). well basically they blindfolded me and made me choose my birthday present. lets just say even for the adventurous side of me, i see no use in my present so if you're feeling sexually adventurous come ask me and i might just lend the present to you ;)
next was a blindfolded walk to st jame's park for a picnic, and well i can imagine the amount of stares i got. :) then ian kept pretending to be a dog chewing at my knee and i kept falling for it. you know how terrified i am of animals arghhh.
then i had to do a sudoku puzzle at buckingham palace but no one brought a pen so that was kiv'ed haha.
piecing together a jigsaw puzzle of the picture of us choir girls at big ben :)
last challenge- to busk at embankment tube station, and i couldnt be let off until i got two pounds. well lets just say i did explain to everybody what i was doing, i did sing (albeit for ten seconds, i only knew lk two lines of that song hahah) and i did get two pence. thank you fans.
;) then lunch with mayling, and a surprise musical - monty python's spamalot. i know, id never have watched that musical unless someone paid for it, but hey i was laughing my head off during the musical. you'd be surprised, but i actually get the jokes. sigh i am cheap to entertain.
dinner at los locos, really nice place, and we had mocktails ahhaah. no more alcohol for me!
oh and ian's erm cheesecake/lemon milky digestive thingy ahhaha thanks babe for (attempting) the cake! :D

then to top it off, nab's email came in that night. ;)
reading that email really made me think. about what i cant exactly put my finger to, just that i am humbled by what she wrote;all my grouses now seemed small and petty; and that i am very inspired to live life, passionately, again.

my birthday wish, as with every year, is to be truly happy, and that everyone around me will be happy too. ;)

surprise 21st

and so me the big doofus didnt know that my conniving friends (the only two people i actually hang out with in london) were plotting a surprise dinner-21st celebration for me for the past two weeks.

i should have seen the signs- caleb asking to borrow our cake mixer and all our measuring cups; them always whispering behind my back (i thought they had some new gossip that they didnt want to tell me!!); that dubious (test cake) banana choc cake that surfaced mysteriously during clique break (which i totally slammed, for more details read her blog haha); how ian lied to me and said he couldnt make dinner (i was truly very sad); how cheryl was insisting that i dress up vintage for that night (which was the theme of the dinner) and well how i basically met everyone along the way to the party- how rude hongcheong was when i met him at covent garden, he simply muttered that he was going tesco and headed the other way!; and how i met ian and ian and his hsehold in the same tube carriage(!!) and they were carrying the cake and all, and i pointed to the cake box and asked 'whats that' and he said 'box lah'. and i totally left it at that; and how cheryl made me drop off one stop before and made me walk all the way there so that ians and company will be at the restaurant before me.

so imagine my surprise when i get to the restaurant and i see everybody there singing me a birthday song. ;)
dinner was gd, i think i was grinning a little too much throughout the whole dinner, and obviously (being us) the highlight of the night was when the cake came out. :) it was THE CAKE.
i love you cheryl;)
banana choc cake was AMAZING. true it was a bit too gelat, but man it was really chocolatey and so pretty! huge though :) but we managed to finish almost all of it. duh, its us.

;)gay clubbing was really fun too. i love gay music. they played spice girls and hairspray!and britney spears haha. had so much fun omg.

rosh came down today and that just made everything even better.

so yup im very happy. whenever i think about that night it just puts a big smile on my face;)

weekend

this has got to be my most effective weekend since my time in london. (notwithstanding the fact that im still procrastinating on my essay) but i did notes! i now have little hearts as bullet points (as long as it makes me happy to look at it ).

and im feeling so much better already. i think watching antm till 6am actually helped hm;)

then i went around surfing for jimmy liao's pictures. i got reminded of how much i love his little books although i never get down to buying any. i think id try to fashion my next blog layout on his pictures. i actually found one that i really like - but im no genius at html so it'd prob take me forever to get it right. shall wait until i actually have the time. meanwhile id just change my laptop desktop pic (bye bye mister ck man)

am listening to sov 05;) i actually feel my spirits being lifted which is an amazing thing. i think i really miss choir despite how i always claim that i was never really a part of choir. i think its the singing i miss;) and the fooling around (outside sectionals yes haha) and all you choir girls sigh.

oh what id give to be a silly frivolous jc girl all over again.

then again roshni promised to come down nxt week so that makes me very excited ;)

racism?

oprah has been running this series of awareness for domestic violence on her show for quite a while now; the current story involves this lady (who looks white but is actually mixed) who has been verbally abused by her husband from the very first day of their relationship, it gradually escalated into physical violence and even involved having her children ridicule her and being brainwashed by their father to put their mother down. one of the incidents actually included having the son videotape the abuse and participate in the abuse.

and people accuse oprah on her messageboards of racism. simpy because it shows a black man abusing a white woman.

i understand racism is still a very sensitive issue, and that, it essentially is wrong to discriminate or form judgments based on skin colour. but racism isnt the only issue in the world thats of pertinence; issues like domestic violence is as of equal importance. by focusing on the racism issue really takes the focus off what oprah has been trying to emphasise through her shows - that there are women out there who are in an abusive relationship and that they need a way out, a plan, to get out and live a life without fear of their husband's crazy whims.

but is there such a thing as trying too hard to make racism disappear?
from CNA, "Halimah Yacob, MP for Jurong GRC, said: "For instance, when I attend residents' wakes, I make sure I bring other races as well, so in Chinese wakes, there'll be Malays and Indians. In that way, we break the barriers. "
im not sure what this helps in breaking the barrier. bringing other races to wakes as an educational trip seems to belittle the sombreity of the wake. i understand her point- that we should have an inclusive programme, but i dont know. that statement doesnt seem to resonate with me.

of course there is always such a thing as striking a balance, which i think is quite hard to do. if you over address the issue it highlights the issue even more; leaving it in the dark sends signals of condoning the issue.

true, london deals with this issue by being indifferent. in many ways i guess being in london, and lse makes it easier for me (chinatown is so near;) i guess settling for indifference is always better than outright confrontation. as Avenue Q says, 'Everybody's a little bit racist!'

damn the cold

yeah so im down with the cold, again. and this time im slightly feverish and so ive been feeling pretty terrible. sleeping really helps, and try as i do i cant seem to get any work done. i feel cold and hot at the same time and its just horrible. thank god for friends who make dinner for you when you're sick;)

have been watching alot of house lately, and i just realised the lure of hugh laurie. he IS hot, in that little arrogant but im damaged kind of way, and he's just so smart. and i love his little jokes.
woman: no i havent been having sex, so i cant be pregnant.
house: wow, immaculate conception
woman: what should i do?
house: well isnt it obvious? start a religion!
i like the part where he went on a date with cameron ( yes im only on season 1) cameron's seemingly innocent 'high sch teacher crush' on house turning into a need by cameron to make damaged cases right, wow what a lovely twist.

really want to get better so i can have my week-long celebration next week. ;) ah i hate being sick

天天都有落叶, 特别是今夜

;)i really had alot of fun this afternoon with may, preparing our songs for tonight. but no matter how i try to justify the (really really bad) performance today, it all comes down to this - i have a confession to make. i get really bad stage frights. and even though ive been on the stage a thousand times, with choir, sometimes alone, been in front of crowds, talking, teaching, presenting, i still get really bad butterflies in my stomach. and it shows. sigh, its not one of those things where you can just 'go ahead and do it and it'd be alright'. and its not one of those things you can simply hide away because it shows;)
hm maybe i should reconsider my plans of being a travelling musician :)

on another note: i have a new drink creation. haha. its lemon sorbet in cream earl grey tea;) i made may drink it and she said it was nice! so one more item down into the little recipe book of the future shop that cheryl and i are gonna set up. (although as i type she doesnt know of this concoction yet)
;)

yes, we can.

everything about him has been refreshing and uplifting; the fact that he's so young, that he's of colour; or the fact that his speech writer is merely 26 years old. i am a woman who wants my rights, and i never could figure out how to choose between him or clinton. how do you make america choose between fighting for women or the coloured? but watching this video under the enthusiastic urging of caleb really made me think-
there is still so much we can do. ;)

"and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea -- yes, we can."