so im back in london, and it sure feels strange to be back. it was a hasty departure at the centre even though we knew we would be leaving that day; it was just that the therapist only gave us ten minutes to say goodbyes and pack everything up. of course we took more than ten minutes, but still it felt too short for the 11 weeks of staying together and doing everything together. all the way back to london i felt something missing , and even when i got off at kings cross and i saw the familiar red bricks of the station, i marvelled at the beauty; yet i still did not feel a sense of belonging. london will and forever will be, simply a place that i studied at for three years, and not a place i make my home. that i am ever more certain of.
life at the centre was difficult to say what it was, since i had a good time making merry (as shimmie puts it) with the people there; yet at the same time i struggled against thinking too much about what i am actually doing there. the experience of staying at a halfway house will stay special to me, im sure, as will the friends i make there. there are certain moments at the centre where i felt so inadequate for not being able to do more, but then again there are some moments which i can remember very clearly; moments which i will make sure i remember to remind myself of the relationships i had formed. a guy's confession of insecurity of not having 'anyone in the world for him'; a guy choking up because of a reminder of the countdown to his beloved's visit back to poland; dreams of migrating to other countries, in search for a better life; random hugs; a pink fish eraser. ;)
there were a few moments in the centre where i felt overwhelming emotions- i think its something about the regimental schedule and strictness of the place that makes you want to embrace anything that is in touch with the sentimental side. it was this guy's 18th birthday (which to them is like a 21st) and his family came down and he felt so emotional the whole time he was crying. then we were talking (cos everyone else was working) and he told me that he loves his family alot and he started crying. and i did, too. abit. ;)
as i told eugenia, my life is really too comfortable!
on arrival back to london shimmie and i had woojung, which was too spicy for me. today i spent the whole day unpacking and cleaning up anything and everything in sight. and only first day back in london and im back to my usual diet- noodles, chicken and cherry tomatoes with soy sauce and chilli oil. (i was going to add a smiley but now im not so sure if its something to be smiling about).
im not so sure when school is starting; damn im not so sure i want to find out :) im going to start watching 双天至尊!
2 comments:
-hugs- i had that feeling when i returned from cambodia. I started comparing my life and I kept thinking of the relationships I had forged despite the language barrier. To this day, I'm not sure I have recovered. But glad to know that at least, you got to experience something that you will remember 20-30 years down the road. Maybe this experience will help you, you'll never know. :) Take care dear. I miss you so. :)
ah,nab! i cant wait to see you in dec;)
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